Being a toddler must be an amazing experience. Toddlers tend to do the most bizarre things, and they get away with it, because, you know what? It's their job to do bizarre things!
It's also in their job profile to push our buttons when the timing is extremely unfortunate, and they get a lot of joy in doing this. All toddlers look for, is our reaction. Whether it's a Tarzan-like scream, or a laugh like a mad cow, it doesn't matter. The fact that we react, is more than enough for them to do the same annoying thing over and over again.
Little P, my toddler, is just like any other out there. His antics border on the ridiculous most times. I find myself screaming and shouting 23 hours a day, but for him, it doesn't matter. I could be speaking Spanish with a Tamil accent, but it wouldn't bother him. He's so busy being a toddler!
Throughout the day, I find myself saying the most obnoxious things in response to his heroics. I never imagined anyone would ever say these things, but I find myself constantly making outrageous statements.
Bath times are the most fun. Well, fun for him, and sheer torture for me, as I try not to slip and fall on the watery floor, and likewise, keep little P from falling.
At the same time, I have to bathe myself and him in one go, while he is busy being a toddler. So, I find myself saying:
Do not eat that soap!
What's your cow doing in the potty?!
Why on earth does your auto have toothpaste on its lights?!
NO, I also do not want to eat soap. NOBODY EATS SOAP, OKAY?!
Your willy does not need toothpaste! Now put that down and stop touching yourself!
Lunch times are crazy too, if not crazier. Most of the times, if he's in the mood, little P will happily sit in his toddler booster seat, a strap-on seat on top of an adult dining chair. He plays with his toys and I sing and dance, while I feed him his lunch/dinner. He also "feeds himself", BUT ONLY WHEN HE'S IN THE MOOD. Yes, toddlers have mood swings! WHADDAYAKNOW, EH?!
We are surrounded by a bevy of toys, mostly vehicles, because he loves them. We also love pots and pans and ladles and big fat brinjals and onions and tomatoes. So, yes, we are surrounded by all these friends, when we sit down to eat.
Here's a sample of my finest Pulitzer Prize-winning words:
Here, give some mum-mum to the powder bottle. C'mon, quick, it's crying for food!
Aaah, look! Your giraffe wants some water. Shall we give him some of your water? NOOOOO! DON'T THROW THE GIRAFFE INTO THE GLASS!
No, your belly button doesn't want water. And, no, it doesn't want food as well.
Did you just feed food to your willy?! Why is it orange?! WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING?!
The thing with toddler boys, or rather, boys ANY AGE, is that they really are obsessed with their pee pees! Mother of God, they seem to touch it all the time! As if to remind themselves that it's still in the same place as last time, and hasn't shifted to a new location because of rent issues! GAAH!
Up until a few moments ago, I found myself screaming, "Why are you swinging that beet root?!", as he went around the house vroom-vrooming the beet root and screaming like a gorilla!
The day before, it was, "Stop kicking that musk melon around the house like it's your personal football!", as the poor melon was subjected to shouts of "BALL!" and was showered with little kicks that could knock down a 70-kg man!
Toddlers love hide-and-seek games because for them the concept of something existing even though it is out of sight is extremely exciting. The fun is that they do this with everything and everybody.
And, so, again, all the pots and pans are subjected to a round of hide-and-seek, and the challenge for us adults is to constantly second guess where we can find our assortment of pots and pans, when we need them the most.
Just like any toddler, little P is also obsessed with all kitchen appliances, and we allow him to explore the ones that are safe to pretend play with.
Which again leads us to say out loud some really outrageous words, that border of pure mental monologue. WE SHOULD BE JAILED, I SAY.
Why is the mixer jar "sleeping" in your cot?!
The ladle doesn't need to be washed! DON'T THROW IT INTO THE WASHING MACHINE!
That pan is not your car, so take your little bottom out of there and go play with your toys!
This game of hide-and-seek extends into peekaboo sessions, as everything around the house is hidden in the most atrocious nooks and corners, including under and over body parts. Yes, in our household, it's NORMAL to scream "FOUND IT!" after we chance upon a spoon or a fork from UNDER OUR OWN SHIRT.
It's also in their job profile to push our buttons when the timing is extremely unfortunate, and they get a lot of joy in doing this. All toddlers look for, is our reaction. Whether it's a Tarzan-like scream, or a laugh like a mad cow, it doesn't matter. The fact that we react, is more than enough for them to do the same annoying thing over and over again.
Little P, my toddler, is just like any other out there. His antics border on the ridiculous most times. I find myself screaming and shouting 23 hours a day, but for him, it doesn't matter. I could be speaking Spanish with a Tamil accent, but it wouldn't bother him. He's so busy being a toddler!
Throughout the day, I find myself saying the most obnoxious things in response to his heroics. I never imagined anyone would ever say these things, but I find myself constantly making outrageous statements.
Bath times are the most fun. Well, fun for him, and sheer torture for me, as I try not to slip and fall on the watery floor, and likewise, keep little P from falling.
At the same time, I have to bathe myself and him in one go, while he is busy being a toddler. So, I find myself saying:
Do not eat that soap!
What's your cow doing in the potty?!
Why on earth does your auto have toothpaste on its lights?!
NO, I also do not want to eat soap. NOBODY EATS SOAP, OKAY?!
Your willy does not need toothpaste! Now put that down and stop touching yourself!
Lunch times are crazy too, if not crazier. Most of the times, if he's in the mood, little P will happily sit in his toddler booster seat, a strap-on seat on top of an adult dining chair. He plays with his toys and I sing and dance, while I feed him his lunch/dinner. He also "feeds himself", BUT ONLY WHEN HE'S IN THE MOOD. Yes, toddlers have mood swings! WHADDAYAKNOW, EH?!
We are surrounded by a bevy of toys, mostly vehicles, because he loves them. We also love pots and pans and ladles and big fat brinjals and onions and tomatoes. So, yes, we are surrounded by all these friends, when we sit down to eat.
Here's a sample of my finest Pulitzer Prize-winning words:
Here, give some mum-mum to the powder bottle. C'mon, quick, it's crying for food!
Aaah, look! Your giraffe wants some water. Shall we give him some of your water? NOOOOO! DON'T THROW THE GIRAFFE INTO THE GLASS!
No, your belly button doesn't want water. And, no, it doesn't want food as well.
Did you just feed food to your willy?! Why is it orange?! WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING?!
The thing with toddler boys, or rather, boys ANY AGE, is that they really are obsessed with their pee pees! Mother of God, they seem to touch it all the time! As if to remind themselves that it's still in the same place as last time, and hasn't shifted to a new location because of rent issues! GAAH!
Up until a few moments ago, I found myself screaming, "Why are you swinging that beet root?!", as he went around the house vroom-vrooming the beet root and screaming like a gorilla!
The day before, it was, "Stop kicking that musk melon around the house like it's your personal football!", as the poor melon was subjected to shouts of "BALL!" and was showered with little kicks that could knock down a 70-kg man!
Toddlers love hide-and-seek games because for them the concept of something existing even though it is out of sight is extremely exciting. The fun is that they do this with everything and everybody.
And, so, again, all the pots and pans are subjected to a round of hide-and-seek, and the challenge for us adults is to constantly second guess where we can find our assortment of pots and pans, when we need them the most.
Just like any toddler, little P is also obsessed with all kitchen appliances, and we allow him to explore the ones that are safe to pretend play with.
Which again leads us to say out loud some really outrageous words, that border of pure mental monologue. WE SHOULD BE JAILED, I SAY.
Why is the mixer jar "sleeping" in your cot?!
The ladle doesn't need to be washed! DON'T THROW IT INTO THE WASHING MACHINE!
That pan is not your car, so take your little bottom out of there and go play with your toys!
This game of hide-and-seek extends into peekaboo sessions, as everything around the house is hidden in the most atrocious nooks and corners, including under and over body parts. Yes, in our household, it's NORMAL to scream "FOUND IT!" after we chance upon a spoon or a fork from UNDER OUR OWN SHIRT.
No comments:
Post a Comment