The ABC of W - Weight, during P - pregnancy and post partum

It goes without saying, that fat and weight are my number 1 enemies. I hate those bastards. But, like they say in good old Indian English style, what to do only, I am like this only.

I am glad to report that I have managed to knock off all of my pregnancy weight!  A LITTLE WHOOP WHOOP FOR ME, PLEASE!

Now, anything else that I manage to do, in terms of my weight, that is, and not my sanity (which, on a separate note, I should add, that I have already lost), will be a plus point. I've knocked off two whole dress sizes. But, I am still fat, if you go by my weight and my height combined together, that bitch of a lethal combination called BMI. ( In my dictionary, that stands for Bite My Innards).

Anyhoo, I've been thinking, my whole life has been about this fat and trying to get rid of it. Not once, can I recall that I've actually managed to sustain that weight loss. It's not because I stuff myself like a pig to bloat back again, but something happens that leads to the weight gain. Sigh... 

Sooooo, to put things down into perspective, here's the ABC of W - Weight, during P - pregnancy and post partum

A -ALMOST

You will manage to lose almost all of your pregnancy weight, one fine day. But that last sticky pound or two refuses to go, and it keeps getting you down. Bloody rascal, that last pound! Or, in my case, 10 kgs of non-pregnancy weight, because I was a fat person to begin with! Can't blame the baby for everything! sigh!

B - BOTHER

One fine day, you will also start to bother about the weight. If you are one of those, who started gymming in less than a month's time post partum, then, good on you! I would probably stay away from such folks, because they make me look lazy! 

C - CLEVER CUTS

They will become your best friends during your struggle with the weight loss, because nobody wants to dress in a tent when you yourself are a tent! Smart silhouettes, stuff that wraps around your jelly belly, those will be on your wishlist and shopping cart on all your shopping apps! TRUST ME! Nothing hides that wobbly fat better than a smartly cut shirt. And, boy, that tummy does wobble a lot in the early days! You will wonder why you still look 5 months pregnant, even though now that the baby is on the outside!

D - DREAMS

You will have two kinds of dreams. One, where you dream of becoming all slim and trim and sexy legs, strutting it like you know it.

Two, in case you have managed to become thin, you will dream of food. Because it takes a good goodbye to food that you gulped down during pregnancy, to knock that weight off!

In my case, please make that dreams of cheese!

ALSO, DIET

This gives me the jeepers creepers!

 

E - ELEPHANT or EXERCISE

Again, only two possibilities. If you knock the fat off, you are the latter. Else, join me in being an elephant, or at least, feeling like one. I don't mean to bruise your ego, but I had days where I really felt like one.

Otherwise, your life will be centered around exercising and maintaining that fabulous shape you've managed to get into! 

F - FAT, WHAT ELSE

Need I say more?

G - GREAT

Great! You've managed to knock off all your pregnancy weight. Now what? The tougher part is to maintain it. How long can we survive on tasteless food that has to be eaten before 7 pm?

Also, GUILT

Guilty about eating what you ain't supposed to. It will kill you!

H - ERMM, HELLO?!

Errm, okay, how did those 2 kgs suddenly show up again?! It's that cheese you ate, hoping that it wouldn't show up! Well, it did! bwhahahah! I hate cheese. I love cheese.

I - IF AT ALL...

...you do manage to stay in shape, firstly, pass me those tips. Secondly, your life will take on a new meaning, because nothing lifts your spirits like good old weight loss. The sun will shine brighter, the days will be more beautiful, you will generally be a happy person. Give yourself a hug! Now, go clean that poopy diaper from the poopy bum of your little miss sunshine!

J - JEALOUS

I am officially jealous of you. And all those fellow mommies who've got their figures back. I love my body and what a glorious thing it did by giving birth, but man, IT'S A SHIPWRECK!

K - KICK THAT WEIGHT

Honestly, it's all about how your mind takes to weight loss. No matter how hard we kick and squat in the gym, it's what on your plate that counts. It feels amazing when so many people ask me what I did, I feel so humbled. But, I do tell them I do have another 10 to knock off. More importantly, I have had to really train my mind about what to eat. And, that is one emotional journey, to say no to food that you could die for.

L - LOVE

Somewhere, during all this time, you will probably also manage to love the new you. You will happily embrace it, because you aren't so short sighted like I am. I have  my own issues to deal with, so I'll happily take that short sighted perspective and continue with my life. Good on you, though!

M - MANAGE

How do you manage to take out the time to exercise, that's the question. With the constant feeding, peeing, pooping, the sleepless nights and days. The last thing you want to do is take out your planner and figure out that at 18 hours you will go for a walk. The reality is, in all probability, your baby will wake up from his nap at 1759 and start howling just when you were about to tip toe out the door! Bye bye walk, have fun without me!

N - NONETHELESS...

...life will go on even though you are still fat. Your baby will grow up too quickly, you would have joined back office too quickly. Weight loss will come and go, but those precious moments with your little cherubs make it all worth the jelly belly and the big fat thighs!

O - OOPS!

You ate after 7pm yesterday. Or ate too much! Or, ate dessert yesterday. And the day before! You naughty momma!

P - PIZZA

Ahhh, the love of my life, my BFF! How do I say no to thee? How do I offend your love for me and send you packing out of my life? Does adding a lot of veggies on you justify the lust? Thin base is better? Whole wheat, then? sigh... no? 

 

Q - QUESTION 

Am I too fat? Am I fat? Am I fatter than her? What about her? Surely, I am not THAT FAT?! C'MON! BE HONEST! I won't say anything, I promise. Yes, we can have sex tonight. Now, be a buttercup, and tell me, how fat am I, on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the fattest I cam be?

DID YOU JUST SAY 11? ELEVEN? E-L-E-V-E-N?! WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?! *&^#(#$)($*@_$@&!!#

I AM GOING TO MY MOTHER'S AND I WILL SEE YOU ONLY WHEN I FEEL LIKE LOOKING AT YOUR FACE! 

Have fun tonight!

R - RESISTANCE POWER

The mind is a strange thing. I look at stuff I am not supposed to eat and I keep telling myself, NOOOO NOOOO NOOOO, OKAY? JUST PLAIN NO!

After a few seconds: What's one bite going to do? I will eat like those models, you know, just taste it and spit it right out!!!

A few more seconds, and post one bite: OH MY GOD! I COULD CRY! WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING TO MYSELF, SAYING NO TO YUMMY FOOD?!

NONONO, I MUST NOT. NO

THEN: It's just another bite! Surely, 2 bites won't add to my ass!

BEFORE I KNOW IT: What did I just do?! I ate the whole damn thing! God will curse me, my trainer will curse me, my conscience will curse me! You are a horrible looking fat woman who should die! Sigh...

S - SEXY MOMMA!

That's right! We can be sexy even with the weight! Round is a shape and we are in shape. So what if that shape comes in XXL size and 40DD lingerie?!

T - TOO TIGHT

Your clothes, that is. Pre pregnancy won't fit. Maternity ones make you look like a tent. New ones are too expensive to buy! Plus, you will get back in shape pronto! So why waste money on new clothes?!

U - UNDERMINE

Don't undermine the power of exercise, the size of your dinner and the resistance power and metabolism of that fellow mommy next door!

She did it because she exercised, ate too little and before 7 pm, and knew when to say no to food and what kinds to say no to.

V - VOLUPTUOUS

Refer 'L' - The new you will be voluptuous, of course! Pregnancy does make one a little wobbly and it expands your body structure, those bones and those muscles. Think of it as a free renovation you underwent. Because it's free, you obviously don't like it!

W - WEIGHT, OF COURSE

'NUFF SAID!

X - X-RAY

Weird X-ray reports will spook you, like mine did. Mine showed deposits of fat on certain organs. Apparently, it's okay at a certain level, but to me, it spelt death. Like I said, SPOOOOOOKY!

Y - YES, YOU CAN!

It is possible. It certainly is. Some find it really easy, others like me, really struggle. But, it can be done. Maybe the last 2 kgs will never go, but you have a baby to show for it. It's not that bad!

Z - ZEAL

It takes zeal, I tell ya! To hit the gym/track/pool, whatever regime you've got yourself going there, everyday. It's tough. Some days, you are tired! Heck, most days, you will be tired! You have a baby to take care of. And those cuddle monsters aren't easy to handle. You will probably have a yoga session without even realising it!

Confessions of a selfish mommy

I am a selfish person. Period.

There's no nice way to put this. That's me, self-centered, Self-seeking and Self-serving.

Yep.

You know the girl in your school who would hide her exam paper with her hands, head and everything else so NO ONE could possibly cheat from her. Yep, me.

The one who challenges you to a game of "who'll finish his ice cream first?!", but does a double take and eats hers in slow motion, just so you finish yours first and drool while looking at hers. Uhuh. Me, again!

And, of course, you know that I HATE SHARING FOOD!

Maybe, just so you don't hate me, I should add, that I was a single child. Not that that's any kind of defence. But, this whole thing stems from there.

Come to think of it, I am little bit like Garfield the cat, with a baby! I'm fat, I am lazy, I hate sharing food!

BUT. 

This little P, I tell ya! He's changing me as a person, and I am not liking it! 

He's taught me how to share. Even though he's done so without speaking and without meaning to, he's done what nobody could do in three decades' time.

He's taught me what patience is. I do lose it at times. I end up screaming. Crying, Cursing to my self. But, this is far far better than my pre-mommy avatar.

Yet, there are times, when I feel like a really selfish mom.

Like how, currently, I am in the process of what's called "spacing out feeds". In the world of no boobs and no breastfeeding, I am deliberately trying to decrease the number of times I feed little P during the day.

That's because, if I were to let him feed all day long, he would happily do so. Which would have been fine, if he were not biting me every time I feed him. And, that's sheer agony, setting yourself up for a bite and then screaming your lungs out because HE BIT ME, YET AGAIN. HE HATES ME!

So, yes, I am selfish for spacing out feeds, because it prevents me from being bitten all day long and keeps me sane and not shouting like a mad, rabid monkey.

I am also selfish because I don't let little P nap post 6 pm. He has a late-morning nap, and then bedtime at 10 pm. I do this because if he does nap post 6 pm, he is one hell of a cranky baby. He just cries and cries till its bedtime. That's 4 hours of crying.

He cries if I put him down. Or pick him up. Or delay in giving him water. Or leave him to go wash my hands after cleaning his poop.

So, just to keep me going and keep me from crying, I take him out every day, as soon as the clock hits 6. I know he's sleepy, he's tired. But, he's happy to play or go for walk or go for a swim. And, so I let him.

I'm selfish, because by doing this, I maintain my mental balance. Else, I get to a point of absolute mental agony. He's happy, I'm happy.

He's made a new friend in the neighborhood. A smart little dude a few months older than him, I take him on a play date to the latter's place 2-3 times a week, because it allows me to have a sane conversation with a fellow mommy, who knows what it's like to be me. Who doesn't cringe when I discuss baby poop. Who laughs when I mention baby farts.

I feel selfish because of the amazing hospitality we get from them. I feel like I am taking advantage, even though I am not. We are both in the same boat. But, I feel selfish for trying to befriend a fellow mommy.

Selfish, again.

I am also selfish, because I pat little P back to sleep if he wakes up before 3 am or so. I don't feed him. Unless he's sick, or starts getting worked up, then I do. Otherwise, no. I have only been doing this for a few days now. That's only because I am now running on "empty", and could stop going any further, because I am quite sleep deprived. 

Which is okay, because it's a major bullet point in the job description of being a mommy. 

Selfish, yet again.

Speaking of job... For selfish reasons, I want to get back to a job. I worry that it will be too late, and I will never be able to get back. Or, if I do get back, it won't ever be the same again. Which, in all probability, it won't be. Things will never be the same again. And, that's fine, because little P will always be a priority. Jobs will come and jobs will go.

I just worry that my creative conscience isn't getting what it needs to run properly, and that one day, I will cease to be a creative person, and that will probably kill me on the inside. Purely for that very reason, I want to get back.

Maybe, this blog is also an attempt at being selfish, because, you know, when I don't write, I wake up with sentences floating in my head and I need to get those out. I feel like Russell Crowe in The Beautiful Mind.

Errr, okay. I can't believe I just said that. But, it's true. This is catharsis for me.

I told ya, didn't I? I am a selfish person. Sigh.