Pregnancy, child birth and child rearing are the most poignant of experiences in one's lifetime. Ironically, the sheer emotional magnitude of these stages in one's life either really bring a couple close together, or bring out some shocking differences between them, Differences, that up until that point, didn't really matter in the entire scheme of things.
It's also a time in life when one faces two extreme sets of emotions. On the one hand, is the excitement of becoming parents, whether first time, or fifth. The number doesn't matter.
On the other hand, are the anxiety and the doubts. Will we be good parents? Will we be able to provide for this little person who is going to be dependent on us for very many years to come?
As parents, it becomes second nature to second guess things, at least in the initial stages, because that little person is unable to explain to us what's bothering her.
So, we second guess every time there's a whimper or a howl. Did he pee? Is she suffering from colic? Too hot? Too cold? Toddler frustrations... and the list can go on and on.
Most parents almost always share these episodes/anecdotes with fellow human beings, mostly to gain a shoulder to cry on, a little bit of sympathy, a little bit of advice.
And, here's the tricky part. The thing with advice is: it's free, every body wants to give it, yet, there are few takers.
And that's probably because, in the name of advice, we tend to get judged a lot. And. that's one thing no parent will accept: the judgemental comments.
As parents. we all make mistakes. We all try to learn from them, and move on. We accept the mistake, we humbly apologise and we look ahead.
Nobody wants to be told how to raise their child. Not for any other reason, but the fact that I would like to do it my way. You've had your chance, now let me have mine, IN PEACE!
Here are a few things, rather comments aka advice, that really, I MEAN, MOTHER OF GOD, really get my goat:
1) You should be breastfeeding because breast is best
2) You shouldn't be breastfeeding because s/he will grow up to become a really dependent child
3) You are STILL breastfeeding?! AAh, no wonder, he's like blah and blah.
4) You should have started solids at TWO MONTHS! He's anyway going to grow up and eat crap.
5) You should let him cry. It'll teach him a few things in life!
6) DO NOT RESPOND when he screams and howls and brings the roof down. He'll eventually learn how to self settle
7) Oh no! Poor you! He's still not sleeping through. It's because you:
a) breastfed or are still breastfeeding
b) he shares bed space with you
8) What?! You give him normal food like us adults, and not sugar-coated factory-made baby food?!
9) He's NOT A DIAPER baby?! You shouldn't be running behind him, cleaning his bottom all day.
10) Don't whisper when he's asleep. Shout and holler so he will learn to sleep surrounded by din.
11) Oh no! You run to him too quick!
12) Oh no! You are too protective. Once you have had 3.4.5 babies, you'll learn to let go.
13) Babies are manipulative people! Don't let him dictate terms! He should know you are the boss!
You know what?! I am okay with whatever I am doing, and horror of horrors, so is my baby! He's happy and content that I am still breastfeeding him, even though he bites me AT EVERY FEED. He's also okay with the fact that I gave him formula when he needed it. I am not going to jail for that, and neither will any other mom.
Ditto with sharing our bed. In fact, currently, it seems like we are sharing his bed, because he promptly kicks the crap outta us, as soon as he is a wee bit uncomfortable, even at 4 am.
Same goes for us responding to quickly and not letting him cry. He is the boss in our house, and he knows it, and we are all fine with it. He only knows how to cry, that's his natural way of communicating. No good will come by showing who's the boss.
As for food, He's not had one spoon of baby cereal. He's extremely happy with his adult food and so are we. No body has to spend hours in the kitchen making baby food for him, and it's so cool to travel this way with no worries about buying cartons and what not.
I am not a perfect mom. Neither is my boy a perfect baby. He has his bad moments, I have mine. My husband isn't a perfect daddy either. Yet, we all love each other and are "OKAY" with the way we are.
You should be too...
And yes, even if I have FIVE MORE kids, I will still be this finicky. And, even if I don't, who cares?!
It's also a time in life when one faces two extreme sets of emotions. On the one hand, is the excitement of becoming parents, whether first time, or fifth. The number doesn't matter.
On the other hand, are the anxiety and the doubts. Will we be good parents? Will we be able to provide for this little person who is going to be dependent on us for very many years to come?
As parents, it becomes second nature to second guess things, at least in the initial stages, because that little person is unable to explain to us what's bothering her.
So, we second guess every time there's a whimper or a howl. Did he pee? Is she suffering from colic? Too hot? Too cold? Toddler frustrations... and the list can go on and on.
Most parents almost always share these episodes/anecdotes with fellow human beings, mostly to gain a shoulder to cry on, a little bit of sympathy, a little bit of advice.
And, here's the tricky part. The thing with advice is: it's free, every body wants to give it, yet, there are few takers.
And that's probably because, in the name of advice, we tend to get judged a lot. And. that's one thing no parent will accept: the judgemental comments.
As parents. we all make mistakes. We all try to learn from them, and move on. We accept the mistake, we humbly apologise and we look ahead.
Nobody wants to be told how to raise their child. Not for any other reason, but the fact that I would like to do it my way. You've had your chance, now let me have mine, IN PEACE!
Here are a few things, rather comments aka advice, that really, I MEAN, MOTHER OF GOD, really get my goat:
1) You should be breastfeeding because breast is best
2) You shouldn't be breastfeeding because s/he will grow up to become a really dependent child
3) You are STILL breastfeeding?! AAh, no wonder, he's like blah and blah.
4) You should have started solids at TWO MONTHS! He's anyway going to grow up and eat crap.
5) You should let him cry. It'll teach him a few things in life!
6) DO NOT RESPOND when he screams and howls and brings the roof down. He'll eventually learn how to self settle
7) Oh no! Poor you! He's still not sleeping through. It's because you:
a) breastfed or are still breastfeeding
b) he shares bed space with you
8) What?! You give him normal food like us adults, and not sugar-coated factory-made baby food?!
9) He's NOT A DIAPER baby?! You shouldn't be running behind him, cleaning his bottom all day.
10) Don't whisper when he's asleep. Shout and holler so he will learn to sleep surrounded by din.
11) Oh no! You run to him too quick!
12) Oh no! You are too protective. Once you have had 3.4.5 babies, you'll learn to let go.
13) Babies are manipulative people! Don't let him dictate terms! He should know you are the boss!
You know what?! I am okay with whatever I am doing, and horror of horrors, so is my baby! He's happy and content that I am still breastfeeding him, even though he bites me AT EVERY FEED. He's also okay with the fact that I gave him formula when he needed it. I am not going to jail for that, and neither will any other mom.
Ditto with sharing our bed. In fact, currently, it seems like we are sharing his bed, because he promptly kicks the crap outta us, as soon as he is a wee bit uncomfortable, even at 4 am.
Same goes for us responding to quickly and not letting him cry. He is the boss in our house, and he knows it, and we are all fine with it. He only knows how to cry, that's his natural way of communicating. No good will come by showing who's the boss.
As for food, He's not had one spoon of baby cereal. He's extremely happy with his adult food and so are we. No body has to spend hours in the kitchen making baby food for him, and it's so cool to travel this way with no worries about buying cartons and what not.
I am not a perfect mom. Neither is my boy a perfect baby. He has his bad moments, I have mine. My husband isn't a perfect daddy either. Yet, we all love each other and are "OKAY" with the way we are.
You should be too...
And yes, even if I have FIVE MORE kids, I will still be this finicky. And, even if I don't, who cares?!
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