IT'S OKAY - Stuff I wish I was told about parenting

As a new mom, I am constantly questioning myself. Even now, at almost-16 months, there are times when I feel like I am walking around with a big question mark on my forehead.

When little P has been crying for a long time, I fail to zero down on why he's crying. I try every trick in the trade to calm him, cajole him, talk to him, hell, even distract him. But, nothing works, and I am back to thinking, "I am a useless mom for not being able to get my child to stop crying!"

There are many a times I feel like I have been cheated upon, short changed, even. I feel like I wish I was told a lot of things about pregnancy and parenting. The real deal, you know? Not the stuff about sleepless nights and constant pee and poo.

Those things, everyone knows. But how many actually know what it's like to be a parent. Of all the advice that you get, how much is actually useful and makes sense?

1) I wish I was told that it's OKAY to have an abnormal pregnancy. I felt so judged when I was pregnant and having a tough time with the constant complications that arose. Everybody thought I was having a gala time staying at home and laid up in bed all day. Some even went to the extent of saying I was getting really fat because I was laid up all day and that I would have a really fat baby. Really?! Is that what you would say to someone who was sick and bed ridden? Then why differentiate just because I am pregnant?

2) It's okay to have a caeserean. What is it with women who gave birth the way nature intended us to? Why do they feel they have the right to judge those who delivered via "assisted childbirth"? I went through the whole shebang of labour and the pushing stage. But nothing came out. I felt cheated at that point. But, the intention was to have a safe delivery, my ego be damned.

How would you feel, if you sat on the pot for 5 hours and pushed that whole time, knowing that there was something inside that was dying to come out, yet it never did? Now, multiply that pain a million, heck, even a trillion times, and imagine that you are pooping a football from your frontal "stuff", and not the posterior!

Painful, much?! 

3) It's also okay to be in pain for a while. Or, in my case, a really long time. I took 6 whole months to recover completely. I only started walking at normal pace at around 4 months, I was in so much pain. I got myself checked, but there was nothing wrong. Yet, I was in pain.

And, so, I had to delay a lot of things that I could have started doing earlier. Like exercise. Or household chores.

But, all I got was judgmental responses. " Oh, c'mon! Nobody ever has so much pain!" You are making it up, it's not possible!"

Fine, I made it up, okay? Because I wanted to delay the process of losing weight. Right?! What a dumbass! Who in their right mind would make up such stuff?!

Which leads me to:

4) It's okay to be fat for a while. It really is. Good on you for having lost all your pregnancy weight as soon as your baby popped out! And look at those washboard abs of yours! I wish I could punch you, cuz it surely wouldn't hurt, right?! Steel abs, eh?!

What is it with fat women who think they can call others fat? Kettle calling griddle black?! Hypocritical much?!

I had this sooper fat woman tell me "IF YOU DON'T LOSE WEIGHT RIGHT AWAY, YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO LOSE IT!"

YES, JUST LIKE YOU, you pretentious judgemental cow!

5) I really really wish someone had told me that breastfeeding is bloody hard work. Just to make it work is so difficult. It is such an emotional roller coaster!

Nobody ever tells you how tough it is. or how painful! Those who breastfed say some stupid condescending stuff, and those who didn't, they think formula is the answer to everything and whatever you are doing is absolutely wrong and breastfed babies are forever hungry.

These formula champions could even feed you a bottle, they are so stubborn!

6) I also wish that someone had told me that it's okay if you have to give formula. It's not the end of the world. A baby needs its nourishment, and if formula is providing it for whatever reason, so be it!

Would I judge you if you always ate rice thrice a day, and I didn't?!

7) It's equally okay if someone doesn't want to breastfeed. For whatever reason. It's her choice. Let's not get on our high horses and judge her. If her child wants to come back 18 years later and sue her, that's her problem. Life doesn't end just because somebody you know isn't breastfeeding her baby.

8) The most I wish for is that if somebody had told me how emotional the early days are. In hindsight, I think I cried more than little P! The hormones, the lack of sleep, the pain of the operation, the inability to lay down and get back up without any help, all those debilitating things can really pull you down. You wish someone had told you that it's okay to let the emotions take over.

9) And when the baby gets his own personality, it's also okay to lose the plot at times. I always keep thinking I am becoming a certified nut case. There are days, when I am really really close to tears. And, then, there are some, when I've actually shed them. I wish someone had told me that it's okay to feel this way at times. It doesn't mean you are a bad mom. It just means you are human and have feelings and that it's healthy to express them and not bottle them up.

10) It's equally okay to sometimes let housekeeping on the back burner. In my case, it's ALWAYS ON THE BACK BURNER. Maybe because I am lazy, or had a ceaserean, or because I feel mental most days! Who cares?! I am certain my priorities are bang on, and I won't let anyone question that.

11) The baby - it's okay if your baby ISN'T LIKE HERS. OR HER SISTER'S. Or the other kids in the family. Be proud that your baby is different! Who wants a baby that came out of a mold meant for cupcakes?!

Again, I will admit that I have received a lot of judgy-pant comments about little P and his ways. A number of people I know too well have made random comments about his sleep. IT'S ALL MY FAULT, according to them.

An experienced aunty told me that all the babies in her family would sleep for 7 hours straight in the day?! HUH? DID YOU JUST MAKE THAT STUFF UP?!

What?! He eats adult food! tsk tsk! What?! He's never had food out of a mixer/grinder?! tsk tsk

Err, do you notice that he chews and doesn't gag even though yours still gags at the age of 3?! tsk tsk

I AM GAGGING!

12) More than anything else, I really really wish that someone that told me that it's perfectly normal and natural to "listen" to your baby. Babies are intelligent peeps, I tell ya! We undermine them just because we have a college degree, and they don't.

I am so glad I always allowed myself to be driven and led by little P and not try and concoct my own logic about what I "thought" he wants.

I got told to let him go between feeds for FOUR HOURS! Which self respecting baby would go hungry for 4 hours?! Not even formula-fed babies go that long!

Another intelligent soul told me to feed him only once he'd really started crying! Hold on, I thought there's only crying! I had no idea there were levels of crying, like really started is level 3! CRAZY!

I would make it a point to talk to these people, but it's so difficult to maintain eye contact with them, because they refuse to get off their moral high horse.

In the meantime, I am going to pretend I like to exercise, and that my child sleeps like a dream and that we all have food out of a mixer. Does that make you happy now?

The ABC of P - Pregnancy and Parenting

I've been thinking, what if everything that happens in and around pregnancy and parenting could be fit into the ABC. Just 26 characters and what each one stands for, during those 9 months and the rest of your life.

A - ADVICE

This one is number one, obviously because it's A. But, more than that, it's because the second you announce to the world that you are pregnant, the advice starts pouring in. You suddenly are trending on the advice graph, because everyone is talking TO YOU, ABOUT YOU.

Mind it, very rarely will you come across advice that will actually HELP YOU. Mostly, it will just be well-meaning strangers and relatives and friends giving you tid bits about them and their aunty's mumm'y neighbor's uncle's wife's pregnancy which WAS THE SAME, OH MY GOD!

Even the molecules of Hydrogen and Oxygen in your glass of water will have advice for you, JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE PREGNANT AND ARE LOOKING FOR ADVICE!

B - BUMP, BABY, BUM AND BREASTS

Bump - everyone will want to touch it. Ditto, the baby. The other two, not so much. Sorry, breasts, yes. Once you deliver, EVERYONE IN YOUR DELIVERY TEAM will touch them to feel for milk.

The bum? well, It gets REALLY BIG and that's why it gets honorary mention here. And, it takes forever to knock the fat off it. REFER TO U - UNDERWEAR

ALSO, BAMBOOZLED

That's because the A-ADVICE you get is so useless, you feel like you've been bamboozled! Nobody tells you the real thing. Everyone gives anecdotal evidence, but nobody offers any intelligent advice on how to tackle a problem.

Ohhhh! You are going to miss sleep!

Okay, if so, then why don't you tell me ways on how I can GET SOME SLEEP?!

C - CHILD BIRTH

The D-day you've been waiting for is here. And you are shitting bricks. And then you pop out a football from your "down there". Yes, okay, need I say more?

ALSO, CAESAREAN. Considered to be an "easy" option for child birth. Except that, it isn't. The pain lasts for months. And, there's always a weird-shaped lower tummy that hangs over.

D - DADDY

The love of your life now has a new love and you are okay about it. Mush! It's sheer bliss to see daddies holding their babies and smelling their hair and that lush baby smell.

E - EASY

Everyone tells you it's easy. It isn't, okay? It's somewhere in between. Just accept it and move on.

ALSO, ENERGY, OR THE LACK OF IT

Pregnancy can be hard on some women. There's no "glow". There's only a "blow", as in body blow, because everything aches!

F - FAT

This one is for me, not for the fellow mommies who've gone back to shape.

We gave birth. TO A PERSON. It's okay to be fat for a while, at least till you are feeding that person.

ALSO, THE F***, You will say this A LOT! In the initial days, when you are getting over the shock of everything that no one told you about (READ A - ADVICE).

Once your baby turns into a toddler, you will find yourself replacing the F*** with FLUSH, FISH, FREAK, FAN. Anything that starts with 'F', because it's only when the 'F' leaves your tongue, do you realise that you would rather not complete the sentence.

G - GOOF UPS

There will be many. Inside out pants. Backside-front diapers. Inside out Tee shirts, yours, not the baby's. Because the baby was crying and you didn't want to rush out naked to ask Daddy for help.

H - HIPPOPOTAMUS

This is also for me. I feel like one. I will eventually get over it, ONE DAY.

ALSO, HORROR MOVIE

Because, life suddenly feels like one. Parenting is hard work and you don't get any bonus or "good job" cards. You constantly feel lost and scared and are forever questioning yourself.

I - AS IN I, ME, MYSELF

You tend to forget yourself once the baby arrives. And, that's okay. You WILL HAVE TIME once he's 20 years old.

J - JUST LIKE THAT

And, just like that, he will start sleeping through, Or take to potty training. Or start walking/talking/crawling. Parenting is full of beautiful surprises.

K - KICKS

During pregnancy, from the inside. Once they are out, THEY CONTINUE TO KICK YOU! While changing diapers during their infancy stage, just because they life how their legs move when they kick!

And, as a toddler, they will kick just because they like the way you screamed like a wimp when you were kicked.

L - LOVE

The moment you lay your eyes on your baby, that's pure, eternal love. No amount of pee, poo and vomit will ever make you think, "let's go on a break". No. THIS IS IT. Time for the husband to take a back seat!

M - MILK

You will find yourself talking about this till your baby is 6 months old. It will feature in every random conversation you will have.

ALSO, MOM, MOTHER

Because, you will suddenly have so much respect for her. You will feel ashamed and embarrassed for things you may have said to her in your teenage years.

MOM, I AM SO SORRY AND SO THANKFUL. This will play in your head, over and over again.

N - NEVER SAY NEVER

To anything. Because, life comes full circle. You will find yourself sitting in the middle of the day with a pot as your hat, even though all this buffoonery was below your standard.

Kids make destiny bite you in the bum, okay? SO, SMILE AND PRETEND TO FEED THAT POWDER BOTTLE!

ALSO, NO

You will find yourself saying this TWENTY THOUSAND TIMES  A DAY!

NOOOOO! DON'T LICK THE CARPET! NOOOOO! DON'T EAT THAT SHOE! NOOOOO! DON'T PUT YOUR HAND IN YOUR OWN POOP!

O - OH MY GOD

REFER TO F***, as OMG will also be a sound replacement for WTF?!

You will OMG a lot! OMG, THERE'S VOMIT ON MY SHIRT AND I KEPT THINKING WHAT ON EARTH STINKS SO MUCH!

P - PEE PEES

This one is for fellow mommies to little boys. They start touching theirs WAY TOO EARLY! I was hoping the touching wouldn't kick in till teenage years. Sigh. What was I thinking?!

Q - QUESTIONS

Talking toddlers have a way of asking the most inane questions. What do dogs eat? Why is aunty thin and you are fat? Where do babies come from?

'NUFF SAID!

R - REASONS

You will constantly find yourself defending your parenting choices. So, there will be reasons for everything that you do, that others may deem "wrong", because they "NEVER DID IT THIS WAY IN THEIR TIME".

S - SEX, OR THE LACK OF IT

I am NOT commenting on this any further!

T - TODDLER TANTRUMS

Aahh, I end up finding myself in the midst of one every five minutes! They sure are fun!

One of these days, I am definitely pulling my own hair!

U - UNDERWEAR

Big, ugly, scary ones. The ones your great great granny wore for her first night. Because, your B - BUM will achieve gargantuan proportions.

V - VALUE

Everything in life takes a new meaning. Having a baby teaches you so many things, the most of all being, value for yourself, your partner, your marriage, your parents. It makes you a better person.

W - WOW

REFER, OH MY GOD. You will say this a lot. Wow, he's used up all his pants today! Wow, he ate my lunch and threw his behind the sofa!

X - XYLOPHONE

Because NO OTHER WORD THAT MAKES SENSE STARTS WITH X!

You can replace this with X-ray, if you want!

Y - YES

REFER NEVER SAY NEVER. Pants that have projectile vomit on them? SURE, YES, I will clean them.

Try to put him to sleep for the FIFTH TIME in the last 2 hours?! yes, I will do it.

Z - ZOMBIE

NEED I SAY MORE?!?!

Motherhood, I love ya, even in my stinky avatar!

Motherhood is fun. it's crazy. It's beautiful. It's challenging. It's an emotional roller coaster. It's overwhelming. It's funny. It's rewarding in its own weird ways.

It's a defining moment in any woman's life. It sure changes a lot of things. Some, for good, some, maybe for the worse. It changes you as a person. I can say all of these things, because they hold true in my case.

The old, pre-baby me was a different person, on the inside and the outside. The fact that I am an extremely emotional person doesn't help things. It makes motherhood seem a different ball game altogether.

There are a lot of fun things I have started doing ever since little P came screaming into our lives more than a year ago.

I find it amusing that I have changed so much, others don't! Who cares?! I know I am a bigger (in size, and in magnanimity) and better person!

I can finally share my pizza without crying inside! Before little P came along, I had no idea that sharing was a virtue. For me, the thought of sharing food was a blasphemous act!

What?! You want me to give a bite of my yummy, scrumptious pizza to the husband?! SO.NOT.HAPPENING!

HE CAN FIND ANOTHER WIFE, THANKYOUVERYMUCH! I AIN'T NO SHARING NO PIZZA!

But now, what's mine is little P's. Without him asking for it, primarily because, he doesn't know how to ask yet.

But, I bet, that once he does start talking, he'll continue to grab, steal and poach food off my plate, and I will still be happy eating just a slice!

I am also okay with picking up food off the floor and eating it now, because I don't want him eating it.

My pre-mommy self would probably cringe at this thought. But, I here I am, picking bread crumbs off the floor and stuffing them into my mouth.

And, I wonder why I am so fat?! HAAH!

Another really close-to-my-heart habit of mine WAS to wear kajal/kohl in my eyes. I WOULD NEVER EVER EVER EVER NEVER step out without decking up my eyes. EVER EVER EVER.

Neither would I ever step put in my glasses, because, hello?! Why on earth were lenses invented?!

Cut to new mom phase, and I have no idea where my kajal stick is. I am not sure if little P ate it, that's a possibility I am willing to consider.

If at all, I do manage to find it at times, I mostly end up only wearing it in one eye, because, before I can bother to shut the other eye, I either smacked on my bottom by little P, because he wants attention.

Or else, I hear frantic screams of "mamma!" because, you know, he can see a crow on the balcony and wants to go say hi!

At other times, he just screams "mamma!" only because he likes the way it rolls off his little tongue and he shines in the way I come running, all kajal-in-one-eye, screaming, "what happened?!"

So, yes, the kajal has figured that I have no time for it. It might as well find someone else to date. I have to admit, "it's not you, it's me!"

And, don't even bother asking me where my lenses are. I know for a fact, that the other day, when I did manage to find the time to wear them, I ended up pushing one of them up until my eyebrows, and it took me and hour to fish it out.

Pre-motherhood, I was a cleanliness freak. And, by that, I mean I was an obsessive person when it came to keeping the house and my person clean.

But, hello, motherhood! I didn't know it was okay to be dirty and keep a dirty house, because, babies come first and the mops and spider webs can wait.

Earlier, the floors would shine, ditto the linen and the furniture. Ditto, me.

Now, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know...

I spend 18 hours a day trying to persuade a whiny and pesky toddler that I am right here and that I am not running away to a clean land where I can keep myself and my surroundings clean. He's obsessed. He thinks I have better things to do in life than being a mommy. Little does he know, eh?!

So, yes, the day he understands that I am here to stay, I will brush my hair, and my teeth, put some kajal in my eyes, wear clothes (not that I am currently sat here naked).

No. I mean, I will wear clothes that are not grey track pants and black tee shirt with a hole that I try to hide, because, you know this (it makes me look slim). Actually, it's THE ONLY THING THAT FITS ME WELL) ONLY BECAUSE IT IS MADE OF STRETCH FABRIC.

Shit. My life sucks. Or, maybe, it doesn't. It purely depends on  how many hours I've spent cajoling little P and how much (or less) cranky he is.

Did I just say I am a better person? Umm, I would like to take that back, please!

Motherhood, I love ya, even in my stinky avatar!

As a mom, it's my job to care.

I once read this somewhere and it so beautifully described motherhood in such a small sentence. It read:

Being a mom is knowing what it's like to have your heart walk outside of your body for the rest of your life.

It's so excruciatingly honest, it hurts!

That's what it feels like, having your heart outside of you, when your baby takes his first steps, and falls. That's heartbreak, not when your boyfriend doesn't call. That pain doesn't even come close to the pain you feel when "something" happens to the little being that was inside of you for so long, and is now out, and is so happy in his new-found freedom.

Being a mom isn't easy. Not in the I-haven't-brushed-my-teeth-or-hair in-days kind of hardship, but the hardship and difficulty in accepting that things are going to happen to your child, things that will be out of your control. That's the difficult part.

I don't care about the knotty hair and the yellow teeth and the age-old PJs and the stinking-of-milk lingerie. NO

I care about what happens to my child when he is out of my earshot and eyesight.

Here are a few things that make motherhood difficult and bother the first time new mom in me. Maybe I will be less finicky next around, if there ever will be a next time! Maybe, I won't! I don't know,

But, right now, in this moment, I do care what happens to him. It's my job to care, and it will be my job till the time he can grow up to defend himself. Till then, I am his voice, I am his strength, I am his will power, and I am his protector.

1) It bothers me that if, for reasons out of my control, I am unable to give him food, he doesn't eat well. He doesn't even eat half the amount that he eats when I feed him.

And, I am not even a forceful YOU HAVE TO EAT kind of mom! If he turns his face away, I back off. But, I do innovate in my style of getting him to eat his usual quantity.

Whether it is getting him to sit in his booster seat and pretend feed the seat itself, or sit atop the kitchen table top and play with pots and pans and feed them. Or even stand in the open balcony and pretend feed all the crows and the cars around us; I do put in time and effort.

2) It bothers me that he "doesn't allow"anybody else to pop his diaper on. Yes, he is a toddler and we do our hands full with him, but, it's his "job" to monkey around and putting a diaper on is an obstacle in his monkey business. And, so, he runs away from it, and I run behind him, Up and down the house, once. SOMETIMES TWICE.

Sometimes, I end up popping it on while he's standing, because that's how he will allow me to do so. But, I don't give in or blame him for being a toddler.

3) It bothers me that when I am out of earshot, he gets scolded. It really rattles me. In fact, it shakes me to inexplicable anger.

4) Similarly, it really really bothers me when this is done in the name of "teaching him".

5) Even more so, when, in the name of "love" he gets smacked on his bottom. I am sorry, that's my child you are laying YOUR HANDS ON.

No matter what, I will not accept it. There can be no reason for it. Not happening.

6) It is even more worrying when he walks around with a dirt bottom at times, despite him being "cleaned" because he ran away from the task.

7) It's not cool to tell me what to do with my own child. I don't need your lessons on how to oil his hair and when to oil his hair. I want to do it my way, learn it my way as we go along and make mistakes, yet, get up and shrug it off, and walk off.

I might not know what I am doing, and I am fine with it. I know when he needs a bath, or when he doesn't. In the same way, I know when to put him to sleep, and I will definitely not be waking him up just because you think I should.

He will wake up of his own accord and that's fine be me.

8) It bothers me that you sometimes pretend that he's your child and you can do whatever the heck you can with him.

I am sorry, was it you who gave your womb on rent for nine months and your boobs for 15 months and counting? No, right? So, back off and let me mommy him.

SERIOUSLY?! I MEAN, SERIOUSLY?!

Top 10 excuses a new mom uses, to NOT have sex!!!

Having a baby is a funny thing. Not funny haha, but more like, sad funny, if you know what I mean...

The one act needed to have a baby is the act of having sex, and yet, the moment the baby is born, that's the very act that goes out the window! kaboom!

NO SEX FOR YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES!

I mean, seriously, first, the emotions are way too much and get in the way of every thing. Then, the feeding, and the constant pooping and peeing that take up so much time, that there's no time for any thing else!

And, even if one did have the time, who has the inclination?!

If you have had a cesarean, then most doctors ask you to take it easy for at least 2 months.

And, of course, this is India, where nobody, and I really mean nobody, has sex after they get pregnant. Women are promptly packed off to their mothers', lest their increased level of hormones get better of their brains and their libidos!

In the early days, I would constantly either smell of stale and sour milk, or poop, or pee, or even vomit. After a while, I just stopped bothering, and at times, I am sure I forgot to change as well!

And nobody wants to have sex with you if you stink of any of those things!

Here are top 10 reasons a new mom gives to not have sex:

1) Not tonight love, I just gave birth (a few weeks after the birth).

2) The baby didn't sleep all day. Or night. Therefore, neither could I. Hence, I am sleepless. And tired. So don't even bother asking me. Now, go sleep!

3) The baby didn't feed well today. I am feeling very upset! How can you even think of sex when your own child hasn't eaten all day?!

4) The baby fed TOO MUCH today! I am exhausted! Do you have any idea what's it like to have a baby attached to your boobs ALL DAY?! Of course not, you don't have boobs! Now, go sleep and take that hand OFF ME!

5) You know that baby from the next building? He's too unwell. I got extremely emotional seeing him. My hormones are all over the place! sob sob! I can't get in the mood feeling like this! How can you be so void of feelings?!

6) The baby is 3 weeks, 1 day, 2 hours and 35 seconds old! Look, how time has flown by! It's time to celebrate our bundle tonight! Let's NOT HAVE SEX and just cuddle and look at our wonderful creation sleep peacefully!

7) Your mom just phoned me to give me wonderful advice on how to bring up MY BABY!!! #&$(%(%&%&# YOU KNOW YOU AREN'T GETTING ANY, DONTCHA?!

8) I had a huge fight with my mom today! I am feeling very emotional! Don't even bother looking at me, okay?!

9) Not tonight darling, I just gave birth! (3 months later)

10) WHAT?! Have sex on the same bed where OUR OWN baby is asleep?! What if he wakes up and sees us?! He will be scarred for life! And, we definitely can't have sex once he's up!

I have LOTS MORE up my sleeve. Those shall be saved for rainy days! ;)

DISCLAIMER: I am not saying I used any or all of these, that's giving away too much information! And a lot of you know way too much about me already!

Also, if any of your wives or girlfriends use any of these excuses, then thou shall not blame me!

Why are women their own worst enemies?

Seriously, why are we our own worst enemies?

What is it with women not being able to stand another's happiness and gloating in the latter's tragedy?

Your "best friend" put on some weight? Aaha, time to celebrate with some wine, eh? After all, wine isn't one known to add to the pounds!

I have always had a battle with the bulge. Partly, it is the genes, partly, it is me. Okay, fine, a large part is me!

Even as a child, I was known to be the fattest one amongst all the cousins, and the Bengali ones smugly blamed the Sindhi side of me. Whatever made them happy!

Ditto, as a teenager, and then a working professional in my early twenties. It wasn't until I got married and moved cities, and actually, finally started eating right, that the weight began to drop. but then I got pregnant! HA!

Any how...

Why do we women make such derogatory, frivolous comments about our friends and acquaintances when they pile on the pounds?

This habit takes on epic proportions once we give birth. Giving birth is a blessing, and only we women can enjoy this, and I don't mean this in a sexist way.

It's just how nature meant it to be, and there's nothing we can do about it. Our bodies carry another person for 3 months short of a year, so is it not acceptable that there will be extra kilos, even after the exit of this little person?

Post partum fat isn't easy to get rid of. Some have it very lucky, Others, like yours truly, continue with the battle.

For some, breast feeding helps knock off the kilos, for others, it doesn't. A lot of women, in fact, tend to add on whilst breast feeding.

Does my weight bother you? I wouldn't think so!

Does it bother you that I eat like a pig? Or that I look like one?

If it does, then I have a simple solution for you: DON'T BOTHER BEING FRIENDS WITH ME! IT'S THAT SIMPLE!

Nobody needs judgemental people in their lives, least of all a new mom, who has her own emotional baggage to deal with. Her post partum weight gain is nobody's concern, except maybe her doctor.

Here, I recall such some very beautiful comments I have received ever since I gave birth to little P.

For the sake of not wanting to hurt anybody, I will try and refrain from being too specific, even though, I was horribly hurt when these comments were thrown at me.

Acquaintance 1: It doesn't look like you've lost weight! I wouldn't know, if you hadn't told me!

Then, touching my breasts... YES, she actually did that... it's these boobs, I tell you. They are
too big!

Err, okay, thank you, "FRIEND", for touching me inappropriately and then calling me fat in a nice way.

Acquaintance 2 (In a text message): Hey, fatso! what's up? How's are fat mommsy and baby doing?

Umm, not much. Just thinking of how to appropriately get back at you without being a complete B**CH and ruining our "friendship".

Somebody from the In-laws: Oh wow! She's become SO FAT! WOW, I MEAN SO FAT!

Hey, thanks, you really really mean and nasty person with no feelings whatsoever! May you drown and die in coconut chutney!!!

Somebody from MY SIDE!: How come you've put on so much weight?! Is something wrong?!

Yes, something is indeed "wrong"! I just gave birth! To a baby. not a bag of chips, you moron!

Somebody from the extended family: Why did you allow yourself to be SO FAT?! Oh, c'mon! Don't blame the breastfeeding and cesarean!

Hey, aunty! Isn't your own daughter like really really fat?! I mean sooper, dooper, really really sooper dooper fat?! For, like a century, even though she didn't breastfeed?

Fat aunty in the neighborhood: OH MY GOD! In real aunty-who-watches-too-many-TV serials-style: you've become so fat!!!

Yes, aunty! It's a shame that even though you've been walking in this very park for a zillion years, you seemed to have not shed a single gram. DITTO, YOUR VERY OWN DAUGHTER!

Friend: Oh, don't worry. I was also fat after the baby. I mean, I wasn't THIS FAT! NONO! I was 60 kgs, you know! OMG!

Me: Do I know you, you nasty woman with great genes?!

Do I NEED ANY MORE advice?!

Pregnancy, child birth and child rearing are the most poignant of experiences in one's lifetime. Ironically, the sheer emotional magnitude of these stages in one's life either really bring a couple close together, or bring out some shocking differences between them, Differences, that up until that point, didn't really matter in the entire scheme of things.

It's also a time in life when one faces two extreme sets of emotions. On the one hand, is the excitement of becoming parents, whether first time, or fifth. The number doesn't matter.

On the other hand, are the anxiety and the doubts. Will we be good parents? Will we be able to provide for this little person who is going to be dependent on us for very many years to come?

As parents, it becomes second nature to second guess things, at least in the initial stages, because that little person is unable to explain to us what's bothering her.

So, we second guess every time there's a whimper or a howl. Did he pee? Is she suffering from colic? Too hot? Too cold? Toddler frustrations... and the list can go on and on.

Most parents almost always share these episodes/anecdotes with fellow human beings, mostly to gain a shoulder to cry on, a little bit of sympathy, a little bit of advice.

And, here's the tricky part. The thing with advice is: it's free, every body wants to give it, yet, there are few takers.

And that's probably because, in the name of advice, we tend to get judged a lot. And. that's one thing no parent will accept: the judgemental comments.

As parents. we all make mistakes. We all try to learn from them, and move on. We accept the mistake, we humbly apologise and we look ahead.

Nobody wants to be told how to raise their child. Not for any other reason, but the fact that I would like to do it my way. You've had your chance, now let me have mine, IN PEACE!

Here are a few things, rather comments aka advice, that really, I MEAN, MOTHER OF GOD, really get my goat:

1) You should be breastfeeding because breast is best

2) You shouldn't be breastfeeding because s/he will grow up to become a really dependent child

3) You are STILL breastfeeding?! AAh, no wonder, he's like blah and blah.

4) You should have started solids at TWO MONTHS! He's anyway going to grow up and eat crap.

5) You should let him cry. It'll teach him a few things in life!

6) DO NOT RESPOND when he screams and howls and brings the roof down. He'll eventually learn how to self settle

7) Oh no! Poor you! He's still not sleeping through. It's because you:

a)  breastfed or are still breastfeeding

b) he shares bed space with you

8) What?! You give him normal food like us adults, and not sugar-coated factory-made baby food?!

9) He's NOT A DIAPER baby?! You shouldn't be running behind him, cleaning his bottom all day.

10) Don't whisper when he's asleep. Shout and holler so he will learn to sleep surrounded by din.

11) Oh no! You run to him too quick!

12) Oh no! You are too protective. Once you have had 3.4.5 babies, you'll learn to let go.

13) Babies are manipulative people! Don't let him dictate terms! He should know you are the boss!



You know what?! I am okay with whatever I am doing, and horror of horrors, so is my baby! He's happy and content that I am still breastfeeding him, even though he bites me AT EVERY FEED. He's also okay with the fact that I gave him formula when he needed it. I am not going to jail for that, and neither will any other mom.

Ditto with sharing our bed. In fact, currently, it seems like we are sharing his bed, because he promptly kicks the crap outta us, as soon as he is a wee bit uncomfortable, even at 4 am.

Same goes for us responding to quickly and not letting him cry. He is the boss in our house, and he knows it, and we are all fine with it. He only knows how to cry, that's his natural way of communicating. No good will come by showing who's the boss.

As for food, He's not had one spoon of baby cereal. He's extremely happy with his adult food and so are we. No body has to spend hours in the kitchen making baby food for him, and it's so cool to travel this way with no worries about buying cartons and what not.

I am not a perfect mom. Neither is my boy a perfect baby. He has his bad moments, I have mine. My husband isn't a perfect daddy either. Yet, we all love each other and are "OKAY" with the way we are.

You should be too...

And yes, even if I have FIVE MORE kids, I will still be this finicky. And, even if I don't, who cares?!